Dread, grief, and Marx

Today a dreaded thing turned out to be better than I was anticipating. 

Today we met with Katie's counselor. It wasn't the big meeting that I anticipated. It was conversational.  It was gentle. It was like coffee with a friend you haven't seen a while. 

The most touching thing that she said was how often she thought of Katie. Everyday. Like the rest of us. She had never had a patient die from any cause in all ofher years of being a counselor. I think she's grieving just like we are. 

On a separate note, I read an interesting article about grief (or was it on disease?). Maybe it was from one of you? It was about the hierarchy of grief (or something like that).

It said that you should draw a bullseye with the person(s) grieving the most in the center, then in the next larger ring the next layer of person(s) the second most grief, then so on until you've covered all the people. This is the hierarchy. The center can complain or bitch to anyone in any layer about anything. Then the next layer can bitch to everyone in a larger ring, but not to the center. This goes out to the outer edge of the rings. You can gripe/moan/complain to someone in a larger circle, but not to someone in a smaller one. I guess if you're in the largest circle you get to complain to your dog or cat.

I found this interesting for two reasons, one because it made sense to me because of how you guys treat me. Secondly, because I've had friends since who have had bad things happen to them, too. (Lost a grandmother, son, friend.) And I realize that my life on their hierarchy is much lower--I'm in a much bigger ring for them. So, if I can't emotionally manage their complaints, I need to remove myself from the vicinity.

I'm not saying Marx had everything right, but:

From each according to his ability, to each according to his need.