Thankfulness (not crying)

Seems like all I do is cry. I'm glad that you're supporting me in my grieving process, but there has got to be something more. I will cry. Don't get me wrong. I have a lot of tears to go.  I will also try to be thankful. Here goes nothing. 

I'm grateful for my friends who have mentally, emotionally, and sometimes literally carried me these past 8 weeks and 2 days. You got a phone call, and you came immediately over.  You held me, cried with me, cooked for me, scheduled for me, packed for me, did my laundry, cleaned my kitchen, bought groceries, took me out of the house, bought me coffee, brought me tea, prayed, called, mourned, cheered those days when I actually wore a bra, held my hand, raked my leaves, cleaned my garage, drove me when I could not drive, did a thousand other things, both great and small, and, especially, you loved me. I'm grateful beyond words. 

I'm thankful that my last words to Katie were loving. 

I'm thankful especially for my family, which oddly includes my ex-husband, his wife, their daughters, and their extended friends and family.  Blood *and* choice make families.  I couldn't do this without my mom, brother, and sister-in-law. 

I'm thankful for Katie's friends who hug me every time they see me. Even the boys. 

I'm thankful for Lib's friends who have loved and supported her from the moment the call came. One was here, others came. They both come over and invite her over.  They say this is the fun house. (Even though they drink koolaid or cheap soda, eat popcorn, pretzels and cheap pizza, and I have every movie beyond PG13 blocked.)

I'm so thankful for Libby. She gives me a reason to get out of bed and breathe in and out all day.  I need her right now like I need air. 

I shed buckets of tears just writing this. 

I wish I had no reason to be this grateful.