Missing Things 2

This is another installment of what I remember from the first. 

The question was, should we let Libby see her. None of us knew the right answer, but we did know that it wouldn't happen before the Oklahoma funeral. We decided to bring a counselor into the discussion. I asked the question via text message. She said she'd consult and thing and get me a response Friday morning. 

Wednesday afternoon we met with the ministers who would be doing the service there. Katie hadn't been there long enough to establish herself in a church.  They were very nice, recommended from a friend. They are hospice ministers, so they were able to help us tell the story of Katie so that try could tell her story at the service.  Libby was in that conversation, though she wasn't at the first. She found out what was going on and she wanted to be a part because she has always been such a part of Katie's life. Of course. That made such sense. 

My aunt, cousin, and cousin's two children came in from Texas Wednesday night. My brother, sister-in-law, and niece arrived sometime after that.  

Thursday was still a blur. Amy and Linda came from Tulsa (or Berryhill to be more specific), and family was there, so Thursday was a crash of people for me to cry on. I had showered that morning, but it came time to get dressed. I couldn't dress myself. Amy actually helped dress me that day. I remember sobbing in the bathroom.  Black dress. Lip balm. Purse. Kleenex. Again, my legs didn't work. 

A friend drove us to the church. Joe. Cheryl. Me. Libby.  Into the receiving area. I promoted Amy to family status so she could be Libby's security. There were many people there already. Mainly family and very close friends. More of my family. Joe's family. Cheryl's family. I had to sit. I couldn't walk any further. People came to me. Then it was time. 

Joe and I walked in together.  Family sat. The service was blurred through tears. Katie's choir sang "Let Everything That Hath Breath." Her choir director sand Amazing Grace. The ministers gave beautiful eulogies/remembrances of Katie.  It was short, but beautiful and poignant. 

We had a cookie reception and receiving line in the gathering area. So many of my friends came. I was shocked. I think I  spoke with just about everyone who was there, including many people I did not know. Katie's choir was there. Each of them hugged me and cried. I remember telling every girl that they were beautiful and that Katie loved each of them so much. 

Libby finally had all she could manage, so  as we had prearranged, Amy and Linda took her out to get some food, knowing that they would bring her back to the house. 

Finally it was over. Back to the house for a smaller reception with food. I was exhausted. I just went into the cottage so that I could have a buffer against the masses. Dear friends came, held my hand. Cried. 

I could have just laid over and slept at that point, but I knew that I would be awake in 3-4 hours and then up for another 20 hour stretch. I simply could not sleep at that point. 4 hours was the longest I could manage. 

Food was brought from the main house to the cottage. More than we could have ever eaten.  My appearance was requested at the main house. I walked over barefoot, still in my dress and talked to old friends from Young Democrats. We aren't so young any more. Then one friend pops into my face and says, "Oh Good!  You're here! We can take the picture now!!"

I was so shocked I couldn't breathe. They wanted a group picture of all the Young Democrats. At the reception for my baby's funeral. I had to get out of there and sit down. I had to be able to breathe again. I couldn't memorialize that day with a smiling photograph. I couldn't memorialize that day with any photograph. I finally escaped.