I need more time

I wish I hadn't lost the post wrote yesterday.  I was pretty fond of it, until I went to look something up, and it disappeared.  My brain is so mushy that I can't even remember much about what I wrote, let alone the gist of it.  I do remember the two things I was looking up, though...

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W. H. Auden, Funeral Blues


Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.
He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.
The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.


Hootie and the Blowfish, The Earth Stopped Cold at Dawn (Fairweather Johnson)

The hands kept spinning around the face 
But the earth stopped cold at dawn 
For a moment, then moved on 
For a moment, then moved on...
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Time.  It seems like time is moving way too fast.  It doesn't feel like November.  It doesn't feel like I've had enough time to grieve enough or hurt enough or cry enough for my baby.  I wish that I could stop the clocks. I want the world to stop so that I can grieve at my own pace.  Or in my own time.  Time should not keep going.

Maybe that is what is making me so anxious.  Time is not behaving the way it should.  Time should stop for me.  Time should stop for my baby.