Tuesday the 15th of October. I've gone from good mother to okay mother to pretty good mother to WORST MOTHER EVER to good mother in the span of 14 hours. Exhausting when I'm at the top of my game, but I definitely am NOT at the top of my game. I'm not even close to being at the top of the bottom half of my game.
But at Pier 1 she kissed the top of my head. That was the beginning of the last swing. I was forgiven. Forgiven feels pretty good especially when you've not done anything wrong in anyone else's eyes but hers.
So many things are not in her control. Normal teenagers go through these same emotions. Hers are just exacerbated by trauma. Yes, I said it, trauma. I'm going to own the word. It's more than grief--it's also trauma. When you go from fine to destroyed in less than 5 seconds, it's trauma.
I have to get through the trauma and then the grief and then find a way to live with the pain.
The impossible will take a little while.
trau·ma
ReplyDelete1. A serious injury or shock to the body, as from violence or an accident.
2. An emotional wound or shock that creates substantial, lasting damage to the psychological development of a person, often leading to neurosis.
3. An event or situation that causes great distress and disruption.
It is absolutely the right word.
Much love to you, friend.
ReplyDeleteAlso, you are an amazing mother...always.