Happy Mother's Day

I I don't know how to be "that mom."  You know: the mom that has lost a kid. I'm not supposed to be that mom. I'm supposed to be a normal mom. 

I want a normal day for Mother's Day. I don't need flowers or presents or jewelry.  I don't need a store bought card (or even a homemade one, though those things would be lovely. I just want a normal day.  

I want a day when my heart doesn't break. 

I want a day when Libby is happy. 

I want a day to mow the lawn and not think about when the girls were small and would use dandelions to make crowns for their heads. 

I want a day to not worry about my mental health or Libby's mental health or Libby's school or my work or money or cooking or weeding the flowerbeds or what we should have for dinner. 

A. Day. To. Not. Worry. 

A day to be normal. 

Remember in the play Our Town where Emily gets to go back and relive a day?  Just an ordinary day. It can't be anything special.  

I want an ordinary day as a mother of two. Two sets of hugs. Two sets of kisses. I want to be an ordinary mom.