And now the blog for today

Colorado was weird. I used to tell the girls that it would.be easier for me to leave my left leg home when I went on vacation than for me to leave them behind. Colorado was just that hard. Everywhere I looked, Katie wasn't. There were only four girls in the photos, not five. And it made me extremely sad. 

I put on a good front, mostly. I fell apart only when I was out to dinner with Cheryl and Laure. Falling apart in public after one margarita. I shouldn't drink.  (If you're happy and you drink, you're a happy drunk. If you're angry when you drink, you're an angry drunk.  If you're sad and you drink...  I just shouldn't drink.) It's hard enough to keep my shit together if I'm sober. 

Now I still feel hung over emotionally. So much so that I couldn't trust myself to volunteer today. Or go to the office. It's a work from home today, which isn't Monday unusual. Just the fact that I'm so damn emotional. 

I'm back in counseling. It hurts. It's necessary, but it hurts. Compassionate Friends meet tonight. It's an awful thing to have to do. Katie's probate had the initial hearing today. I'm officially a co-administrator of my daughters estate now. Sucky sucky sucky. 

I worked the German Immersion School booth a at GermanFest on Friday. I saw many people that I knew and many parents, grandparents, and friends of Katie's classmates. And those that know asked how I am. And one even asked how the accident happened. But everyone else didn't know, so I just told them to tell their (insert relation classmate here) that Katie's Mom said hello.