Tuesday, August 11, 2015

The taste of anxiety

I assumed that everyone knows what anxiety tastes like, but my friend Oklahoma Amy (as opposed to Wisconsin Amy) asked me what it meant when I said I tasted anxiety.

It's metallic.  It's on the back of my tongue.  It includes a cold-tingling sensation that runs down my neck and shoulders.  The cold washes over me while I perspire lightly.  And, most of all, I can't swallow the taste.

Were you ever young and dumb like I was and you were dared to lick a 9 volt battery connectors?  Or maybe you're still dumb and check the smoke detector batteries still.  It's like that.  In fact, it's a lot like that, down to the tingle.

And that is me when in the middle of an anxiety attack.  Now, I can push through (at least usually) when I have to get through it.  I have coping techniques.  I can usually stay in the moment.  It may not leave for a few hours (seriously), but I can cope through it.  Maybe I'm not the most successful in the world at what I'm doing at the time (I once spent three hours working a jigsaw puzzle to get through one), but I can survive.

That's it.  Survival.

I'd like to do more than just survive, but that's a project for another day.

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